Of all the different facets of my identity, my faith in God is the one I hold closest to my heart. Being a Christian has opened up so many doors for me, introduced me to many amazing people, but most of all, has given me an inner peace and assurance, which helps keep me sane in times of stress and anxiety.
However, today I realized that since getting into college, my faith has slowly dwindled.
Not my faith in God. I still believe that God is supreme, and that Jesus Christ is my Saviour who sacrificed himself to save me, and enable me to reconcile myself with God.However, my faith in God’s omnipotence, and ability to make a way when there seems to be no way, is lying dormant.
College has made me hyper-rational. Now, whenever I judge the tasks I do, I only consider my skills, qualifications, or any hard facts that I can contend with, forgetting that God is above all facts. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been applying for or trying to apply for summer internships. However, what usually stops me are the requirements of the different job descriptions.
- Must be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident – As an international student, I always balk whenever I see this requirement because there is no maybe. I am most definitely NOT an American citizen. My passport was, is, and will be green.
- Must be a sophomore, junior or senior – I am a freshman in college. I only just finished one semester of college. I’m just learning about marketable skills. How can I be expected to compete with other applicants who have a lot more experience and skills than I do?
- Must be skilled in [insert admirable skill that I do not possess] – Enough said.
With requirements like these, and much more, it’s come to this point where I’ve barely applied to any internships because I feel extremely unqualified. For the past few weeks, I’ve been berating myself for not being the “more” expected by all these different internships.
However, after talking to my mum and complaining about these restrictions, she abruptly reminded me to stop being afraid. That certainly shocked me. “Afraid? I’m just being practical and level-headed.”
But she reminded me that above all else, I need to have faith in God.
It’s because I had faith, and because of God’s favour and grace that I am where I am today. People still get surprised when I mention that I’m enrolled in Princeton University, and sometimes I myself even wonder how I got here, after observing my accomplished and ultra-successful peers. Then I remember that God placed me here despite the numerous roadblocks or uncertainties that were ahead of me.
So why in the world have I been scared? Where did my boldness in Christ go?
As much as I would like to say that I will do a complete 180° and let go of my fears, I know that I will still have a few lingering doubts. Nevertheless, I need to remember to not let go of my faith in God, and in His ability to go ahead of me to perform miracles.
For anyone who has fears or doubts concerning applications or interviews, try to let them go. Even when it seems as if the odds are stacked against you, have faith in God and try. The worst thing that can happen is that you receive a “No”, and if that happens, not only will God open up another (and possibly better) avenue for you, but you will also get the opportunity to learn from the experience.
Be bold. Take a leap of faith. Trust God.